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You probably know by now that having an Asian girlfriend is a rite of passage for all white men.

"Date an Asian chick" has become akin to "Go skydiving" or "Live in New York" in the veritable white guy bucket list.

STEP ONE: Finding an Asian Asian girls typically hang out at one of three places: the mall, the library, or Pinkberry. If, by the end of the night, she giggles into her napkin/hand fan, you've got yourself a second date.

When you get there, look around: the best Asian girl to pick up will be the one wearing a hoodie and heels (there is always one). As she takes out her phone to tell you, you should make a nice comment about her phone flair (Asian girls always have some bedazzled jank hanging off our phones, usually a cartoon duck or a jade tiger). Asian girls will go on a date with anyone if she can tell a cutesy story about it later: "And then, after he saw my Keroppi keychain, he asked me out at Pinkberry! " STEP TWO: The First Date It doesn't matter where you take an Asian girl on a first date as long as you stick to the following topics of conversation: food, fashion, and making fun of other Asians ("So, your friends just stayed in and did math problems? However, no matter what you do, don't step on the yellow-fever land mine that is acknowledging the Asian fetish.

Yes, we all implicitly know what's going on here -- why else did America go to war in two Asian countries last century? Us girls all like to pretend that we're your first Far East foray.

STEP THREE: The Relationship If you get to the point now where you're dating an Asian girl, you better understand where she's coming from.

Given our immigrant roots, most Asian girls endure a latent insecurity about everything from our boobs to our patriotism (both things that are just slightly there). But if you're going to lock it down and marry your Oriental princess, you must know one final thing: in Chinese wedding traditions, the groom pays for the wedding.

Last modified 17-Jul-2015 09:37